2 years ago, i was at a party at erik's house in minneapolis, on mushrooms. �i fainted on the porch, fell backwards onto a pile of wood. �a few hours later i lay on the bed of the only girl i have ever been atracted to, i can't remember her name. �she put her hand on my chest, the space below the collerbone and between the breasts. �she said i was beautiful. �her room was bare, attic with slanting roof. �a bed, desk, a few books. �a window facing east dominated the room. �i felt like the room was an alter worshiping the dawn light pouring through the glass. �in the middle, was an orange tree, alive and green. �ever since then i wanted one. �it reminded me of that feeling.

after i got home and brought the tree upstairs, andy and i talked on the back porch. �then climbed over fences to get to la cruda without being seen. �got takeout beans and rice, ate in my room. �since then i have been taking things off the walls. �

i wont die so i don't forget. until the porch light goes down