donna got a little tipsy on the free wine and we walked around to all the galleries meeting tons of new and fascinating people. we were wearing pretty dresses and we have been feeling extra beautiful lately.. maybe something changed. i feel like people look at me differently, like i'm glowing. we went into stumptown to use the bathroom and while i was waiting for donna i caught the eye of almost everyone in the room, not on purpose, i was just looking around and i felt this little electricity between me and other people.

i don't know why or when or how but my fear of talking to people completely vanished. i ran out of medication a few days ago and i was kind of afraid that my anxiety would come back but it didn't at all. i feel amazing. i suppose if i were back at reed i still might feel that paralysis sitting next to people in class, but maybe that would go away too. i don't know and it doesn't matter because i'm not going back until spring and right now my life has become something i never could have dreamed, every day it just gets better...

we made half of september rent and gave it to our landlord, it's officially due today but we'll have the rest in a few days. we've found odd jobs off the internet and temp work and such to carry us along. it's turning out to be easier to make money than i thought. and marsee said they might hire me back. i loved that place. a real old world cafe.

yesterday i did some modeling for an aspiring fashion photographer, on the beach at sauvie island. i wore a few different outfits (my own pretty clothes) and posed in the sand by big pieces of driftwood, and walking along the water. he shot one roll of me in my bikini, and he wanted me to get wet, so i just jumped in the river and it was so fun to swim, even a little bit, even in the willamette, which i'm sure isn't very clean. it seemed clean, though. after posing in the hot sun for two hours, spontaneously jumping into the water felt so amazing and pure. then i did some "sexy" poses, half in the water, lying on the sand, etc. he only paid me $30, but i would have done it for free. just getting to see the sauvie island beach was great (and go swimming). and he gave me a coupon for a free skydiving trip, worth about $130, which i might just sell. i'm sure it would be fun but i'd rather have the money.

and we found this girl off craigslist.com who needed a place to stay for a week and she's giving us $100... she actually turned out to be really cool, we've gotten to know her. she has my room and i'm sleeping with donna.. hee hee.

speaking of which, my new favorite store is sparticus, which i had never been to until yesterday. why are all my clothes not lacy/ fringed/ leather/ sparkly/ sequined? i almost wanted to become a stripper just so i could buy these ridiculous outfits. i wish i could dance in heels. i did get a beautiful black skirt, from the "goth" section, it has panels of lace and a silk and lace lining, but there's no way to describe how pretty it is. i also got a bracelet that says "slut," just because i thought it would be so funny to actually wear it, on me. if you know me you would understand. i almost never have sex anymore compared to when i was younger, but it was hilarious walking around in my little pink flowered strapless sundress and a black leather bracelet that proclaims "slut." maybe it will make me more approachable.

another strange and wonderful thing is that the new york times randomly called me last week and told me i had a free trial subscription for one month, every day. what? that was SO what i wanted, how could they have ever known... i missed having the newspaper every day like at my parents house.

and we finally heard from sam, but his whereabouts are a deep, dark secret. we know, but no one else can know, not even you. we may lure him back with the prospect of our new art studio setup. he likes to make drawings.