my motto: "meeting new people: it's the new heroin."

i've found new ways to satiate my thrill seeking tendencies. meeting new people. who knew it could be so amazing? i've met more beautiful, fascinating, startling people in the past 4 days than i have in the past 4 years, practically. and they will probably all be lost like dust in the wind. but still. maybe something will come of it. i said ten days ago "i am about to fall in love."

too much to tell... last night donna and i went to lee's birthday party. it turned out to be a bunch of current and former reedies, which was a bit shocking. already i feel so distant from that life. but i had so many good conversations, the kind i usually only have with donna. it surprised me. one girl in particular, we seemed to have so much in common. i got in her car and there were these piles of clothes and she just gave me this armani green velvet jacket. she also gave me three bracelets. later, when we were walking, i gave one to donna and one to this boy. he said "i'm going to need this."

and so, so much more. the other day i met this boy named guido and he showed me a labyrinth, in SE. i couldn't believe i'd never seen it before. it was yellow, painted onto the ground.

donna and i sold a lot of books and got about $50. it's all gone now. i spent my last two dollars buying coffee and putting a dollar in the donation jar at the red and black, to use the internet. that's where i am, because our phone line is randomly turning itself on and off. donna met someone yesterday who likes trees as much as i do.

soon we will be making a lot of money. good luck is just around the corner. for now, i hope our food lasts.

i wrote "enough" on my arm, to remind me.. it applies to almost anything.

i have this new planner, and suddenly the days are being filled with strange and exciting possibilities. making lists, crossing things off. i wrote down so many phone numbers. i was tripping very hard and the ink against the page was painstaking and new.

one boy, when i was telling about how i cured myself of heroin addiction, got up and hugged me and kept telling me "you are so amazing." i never thought about it that way. it was just something i had to do. i had to realize that it was an aesthetic. and that aesthetic was a dead end. turning away is a limited way of living, and you have to realize that it's not that you shouldn't turn away, not that you don't want to turn away anymore, but that there is NOTHING to turn away from, it's all one, all you, and you have to look straight ahead and find the control within.

getting a ride home across bridges and sweeping around curves with breathtaking views of the city at night, dead with exhaustion, just keep going.