i've got a twinkle in my eye and i won't stop until i've picked every last blackberry. my legs bloody from the thorns.

i hold onto their hands and jump into the freezing water. holding onto them screaming "my body is going into shock! i can't take this!"

birth pangs.

something changes when you stay in 55 degree water for a really long time.

picking berries, picking apples, watching a snake slither through the long grass, running through the field across the bridge down the path into the unknown.

we drove far into the mountains-- donna and i sat in the back of the van, pretending we were riding horses, screaming. donna said we are in a sunset time. then lying on the van floor, gazing up out the windows at the pine trees against the sky. there's something hypnotic about watching trees flashing by, silhouetted against the sky, with the sun flashing in and out of view bathing the trees in yellow. like a flickering film projector.

then in the blue/green scene, the rocky stream and waterfall in the pristine middle of nowhere, splashing in the frigid water with donna, screaming and throwing our arms in the air, falling backwards onto the waterfall. sam took pictures of me in her arms. "air is too clear to be air. it punches out objects in front of you."

act two. ecstasy.

sam: i could steal anything from you right now.
me: what do you mean?
sam: usually you guard yourself so much. right now i could steal anything.

act three. petitioning.

redding is 105 degrees and sunny. i love petitioning. people in redding are SO stupid. hick republicans who know nothing about politics, they don't even realize our petitions favor the democrats.
me: "this one is trying to get a budget passed on time. it says that for every day the budget is late, the governor and legislature work for free!"
them: "weelll.. that sounds like a good idea! tell you what, why don't you just kill davis, then we wouldn't have any problems. i'm votin fer arnold! he says he has a plan!"
"um, yeahh..."

"are you republicans?" "of course!" said donna cheerily.

"miss! oh miissss!! we need your help!"
"here's your pen, here's your clipboard."
"oh-- you found us! we wouldn't want to leave you out! sam, let her sign! give her a pen!"
"miss, you can sign too!

"who are you guys working for?" "we're just concerned citizens!"

donna and i made about $700 in 3 days.

act four. drowning in absurdity.

so, guess where we are now?

yesterday kept reminding me of rosencrantz & guildenstern again.
"where we went wrong was getting on a boat."
"no--it is not enough. to be told so little--to such an end--and still, finally, to be denied an explanation."
"we've done nothing wrong! we didn't harm anyone. did we?"
"i can't remember."
"our names shouted in a certain dawn...a message...a summons...there must have been a moment, at the beginning, where we could have said-- no. but somehow we missed it."

i won't go into it. it's too personal for right now. i'm here, donna's here, he isn't here. he lost it, for a few hours, and that was all it took.

can't we just stay in one place? the period of time keeps getting shorter. but we have nowhere else to go now... and it's probably better this way. exponentially increasing strangeness.

our apartment is so clean, because we thought we were going to sublet. it's like being in a hotel. clean towels? what?