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There is something wrong with my mind.
03 April 2003 - 10:50 pm

Today I saw my "counselor." My school has free counseling, so I�ve gone in for about a month to talk about social anxiety. Except all my stupid counselor ever wants to talk about is drugs. I should never have been honest. I keep telling her that when I talk in class I get dizzy and my heart races and my throat closes up, and I am unable to talk to almost anyone, and it's been getting worse in the past few weeks. But she changes the subject to drugs. I didn't go in to talk about drugs, which I have been doing less and less, and which have no connection to my anxiety. Now she's making me get a drug eval from some clinic. I said, "well, if you really want me to go, I�ll do it." And she said, "it's not for me, it's something you have to want to do." But she refuses to talk about anything besides drugs until I get the eval. So I really have no choice.

She got the results back from that ridiculous personality test she made me take (see this entry near the bottom). Apparently, I�m more insane than she thought. Now she's worried. I answered true to "I have had very peculiar and strange experiences." And she would not stop asking me what I meant by that. I just think I�ve had an unusual life. She kept asking for examples, but I didn't feel like telling her a bunch of stories about strange things that happened to me-- it's totally irrelevant to my therapy. I like being weird. Get over it.

eeek.
The qual starts tomorrow. (qualifying exam to be admitted to my major, anthropology). I have to go pick up the questions at 9 am, it's due at 10 am Monday. Everyone tells me different things about what it is-- 2-4 questions or topics that we use to write a few essays, somewhere from 10-20 pages. At least one will concern an article that they gave us 2 weeks ago, which was about globalization and an Indian ad agency. I have no idea what the other topics will be. yikes. I am hugely underprepared, since I switched majors a few months ago. It seemed futile to study without knowing the topics, although I think most other people studied for it. Tonight I typed up all my notes from intro anth last semester. The qual is open book, so I can use whatever I want. I always work best at the last minute anyway. And although not everyone passes it, almost everyone passes conditionally (they make you rewrite part of your essays). I�ve resigned myself to not passing the first time.

I�m so in love.


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