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permitted to promise
23 February 2003 - 10:35 pm
i have a pattern of not belonging. i am always on the outside. i vaguely associate with a group, but i don't belong the way the rest of the people do. i float between spaces of discomfort and dissociation. i bring these situations upon myself: just as i was becoming completely comfortable in the art department, when i was friends with all the professors and knew all the other art majors, as i found myself in a place where i felt comfortable-- i left. i escaped the stagnation to follow what i felt passionate about, and threw myself once again in the midst of a group where everyone belongs except me. i don't fit, i'm too late, i didn't follow the "anthropology major" path the way everyone else did. i'm not hopeless, i know it can only get better, but right now i feel a bit disconnected.
"Man is the more vulnerable to self-destruction the more he is detached from any collectivity, that is to say, the more he lives as an egoist." -durkheim
i have found my true calling: i am going to be a twig collector when i grow up. you may think there is no place in this day and age for twig collectors, but you are mistaken. i have been collecting specimens and displaying them in a jar on the kitchen table. twig art.
love, becky
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