so i've been doing some soul searching about whether i should switch majors. except i haven't, because i despise the term "soul searching". what i have been doing is thinking of the short term benifits, because i can't comprehend a future longer than about 4 months from now. for example, anthro classes are shorter than art classes. and more interesting. maybe because i've only had the question "what is anthropology?" once, and i've had the question "what is art?" about 5 zillion times. then again, i love my painting teacher/ advisor to death and i'm afraid it would insult him if i left the art department. he reminds me of my dad. (no, he is my dad. he just looks different and paints more.) also, i wonder what my parents think. i guess i should ask them.

i hate agonizing about all this stuff, it's too life-altering. i always put myself in these paradigm-shift situations, i like them in a perverse way. that's why i've learned so many languages (french, spanish, ancient greek) and so many instruments (chronologically piano, clarinet, flute, harp, guitar. but harp was the only one i got really good at). that's why i left home, and left a lot of other people/places/things. i like things when they're new... there's more acceleration.

see you in the next world

ps. as far as being happy without drugs, it's all about balance. every second of the day is on a pleasure-displeasure continuum, and you want the total to be high as possible. doing drugs will make you feel better in exchange for bad side effects. if the bad and good cancel out, it might be worth it. it's like having a job. some people would rather live cheaply so they don't have to work. most people would rather work so that in their free time they can buy stuff. the unpleasentness is worth it to them.