no one is awake yet. gabe was only giving me 6 inches of the bed and i kept pushing him and he wouldn't move over, so i got up. i finished cleaning the kitchen-- someone else cleaned it yesterday. and now it's sparkly and it should have a suburban housewife in a frilly apron standing with a spoon looking happy. i got whole oats from the wedge co-op yesterday, which are so much better than quick oats, and i cook them for the same amount of time anyway. breakfast. morning.
yesterday i rode my bike to meet joanie at the spyhouse, on nicolet. we had coffee and talked for a long time. i think the guy sitting behind me was eavesdropping on my crazy stories about portland. and i got sunburned on my back. then we walked to lake & hennepin, and looked around a bit. uptown doesn't change much.
i rode back to gabe's and got increasingly upset because of the men who yell things at me while i ride by. it must have happened at least 30 times. "hey! how's it going?" "mamacita!" "can i have a ride?" "nice tits!" and whistes and sometimes someone in their car will honk... they give me this evil sneer, and they're the same as the guys in europe-- if you show how you feel or tell them to go away they like it and it encourages them more.
it makes me feel so sick, because i'm just trapped. you can't escape someone's eyes. i ride as fast as i can but i can feel their eyes on me the whole time. that look is so scary. it's says "i'm going to get as close to fucking you as i can without touching." it says, "you are mine, for this 30 seconds when you can't get away from my gaze, mine to fantasize about and yell things at." it makes me want to squirm away and disappear.
it's interesting to contrast the scary guys with the ones who don't bother me. like when a guy smiles friendly and says something with a non-threatoning look. a look that says, "you're beautiful and it makes me happy." then i usually smile and say hi back. they don't expect anything out of me, they just want to say hi and smile. or "hey beautiful!". that one usually makes me feel better. it seems like black guys are usually the ones i don't mind, and the mexicans are the scary ones. i'm not trying to be stereotypical, it's just what i've noticed in the past few days. but i might have to start taking the bus or something, at least for long distances, cause i get so annoyed and upset that it ruins my trip. i mean, haven't they ever seen a girl riding a bike before?