today was my last day of working at the reunions. i went on a tour of a winery with a bunch of old people. i had no duties, i just drank wine. out of the bus window i saw a nice park by the river, i think it was in milwaukee. i should hang out by rivers more often. for this week of working i made exactly enough for rent. perfect.
if dave and donna don't find money soon we'll have to leave though. i think they're both in the negative money area right now. so i'm not sure how the other half of july rent will appear.
tonight donna and i went to alphabet dress and looked at art and listened to bands play. operacycle and the thermals. we ran into brannon and morgan there. i was afraid the scenesters were going to eat me. we left after the 2nd band and got desserts at pambiche, on 28th and glisan. all the employees were hispanic, and everyone was watching the soccer game on tv and cheering for ecuador. someone made a goal and everyone started screaming. the tv station was in spanish too, it was rad. i got flan because it reminded me of spain. donna had to meet someone at heaven, so i walked home by myself. thinking.
i can't accept it. but that's how it is. at least i have one thing to hope for. but if i let myself feel it, it rips me in half. i am unable to control myself. i put a huge amount of effort into it and the result is barely noticeable from what i would have done without trying.
"what a notion it is after all -- these small shapes! I would get lost counting them. who first thought of it? how did he describe it to the others?"