most things i have no memory of, but people told me about them later: i sat on the porch smoking wearing my chain mail head thing, and hugged gabe in the grass. i left some answering machine messages that i have absolutely no memory of. i asked eva questions repeatedly.

where my memory starts to come back is when it got lighter, and we went out on the fire escape and sat smoking cigarettes. i took pictures of andy, jared, and gabe. the light was beautiful. gabe saw patterns in the clouds. we yelled hello at people on the street walking their dogs. at around 8 i tried to sleep but couldn't, and gabe, cory, and i made a half-hearted attempt to go to juniors. we made it, barely able to walk, and unable to eat the food we ordered. we stumbled back and i slept for the rest of the day. my whole body was in pain.

that night (saturday night) eva and kevin took acid but i continued to sleep, until 10 this morning. things are slowly geting better. never take 3 pills of e, especially whatever fucked up kind i was taking. i wish i could at least remember anything that happened. today i mostly sat around and tried to eat things, and made a dismal trip to the red and black, which made me feel sick.

i hope tomorrow i will be fully recovered and able to continue my life. the house is trashed. beer bottles, clothes, garbage, books everywhere. dishes stacked up, stale bread on the counter. another thing i don't remember: someone picked a white rose and put it in a vase on my desk. it's pretty. when the sun is setting over the west hills, my orange tree and rose and typewriter look lovely in the blue light.