baby let your hair hang down

i just finished painting class. i made a paul klee-ish/ stained-glass looking painting. it has the shapes of chesnut leaves. the colors are pretty. my teacher showed us lots of slides of his work, from in the 70s when he lived in california, to barcelona, seattle, paris. his life seemed like a dream. i wonder if i could do that. he's also a carpenter. not only that, but his paintings were so beautiful, i really liked them. what if i tried to make a living as an artist and no one would buy my paintings or photographs? how do you know what to dedicate your life too? i'm so lost. all in know is that i want to live in spain someday.

today i cried a lot. i feel so hopeless. but i managed to pull myself together and take the bus to downtown, which made me feel way better. wasting time is a curse. i hate it when i feel like i'm not getting anything done.

tomorrow will be better. maybe i'll make hummus.

i love you.