but as i was working on one of my papers i couldn't stop wishing for it, and so i became determined, and when i get determined about something i can make magical things happen.. so i researched part-time tuition at reed (2 or 3 classes instead of 4) and convinced my parents to let me take the extra semester there instead of at psu. well it'll be the same for them; they agreed on the condition that i take out another loan, for the difference between psu tuition and reed tuition. (it will be a $3000-6000 loan depending on how many classes i take). i was like, "i'll donate eggs! i'll do anything!" but they suggested a loan. which i guess is more sensible. i'll just go on the run after i graduate so the loan people don't find me (like the ones who are always calling for dave, who doesn't even live with us anymore).

and as i was researching the tuition prices and looking at the reed class schedule for next year, i started to feel excited the way i haven't felt for i don't know how long, months maybe, since my life fell apart, and it feels so good... it feels like i'm alive. i really hope it all works. i have to get a doctor's letter before reed lets me get off medical leave, saying that i'm ok and i'm not going to do heroin again, but that shouldn't be too hard. it kind of baffles me that this is what makes me feel really good, subjecting myself to extraneous academic torture, but you know, whatever melts your butter...