i can feel this thing inside me pressing against my skin. i know a cure for blind reckless nerve. a way to break the will of smart alecks like me. it never fails to turn hubris into defeat.

no god up in the sky, no devil beneath the sea,
could do the job that you did, baby, of bringing me to my knees.

sad high notes ring in my ears. is this it? here at the party for the people of the open wound. if we don't look like them right now you know we will real soon. donna is in another universe, somewhere in california. i talked to her for a long time the other day. she's making a lot of money. we talked about need. pulling.

when i ride around in cars i look up at the trees passing by silently. last year in portland i decided i could not leave the pine trees. now i have to return to them and the emerald forest. now i see it repeated in my head over and over, simple actions, so simple.

i want to slowly, deliberately, drift headlong into a trap of my own design.