Well, I guess my problem is solved for me, in some way.
Those fuckers at the reed health center decided to make the decision for me. Even though they've known about it for months, they decided today that my heroin use suddenly became extremely dangerous, and that I had to tell my parents about it-- today! And they have the power to do this, because they told student services, so if I don't do what they say, they won't let me come back in the fall! I fucking HATE them so much I don't even have words for it.

They spent an hour today telling me how fucked up I am and how I can't possibly solve this on my own. They wouldn't even let me wait until next week when my papers are done to tell my parents, it had to be *today*. Originally, they were going to make me go to an inpatient treatment program before I could come back to reed, which would disrupt all my summer plans, but I argued with them a lot. We finally agreed that I�d go home for a few weeks and get clean, and see a therapist, but not inpatient treatment. I�m going to get 3 incompletes and finish my work over the summer (I�m done with one class already). It sucks, but at least I�ll be able to come back in time to go work at reunions and go to psu in June, because since I changed my major I need extra credits to graduate.

I was so mad at them. I could have finished my classes and gotten clean on my own, and if that didn't work I would have told my parents and gotten help, but instead everything had to get completely fucked. And they have supreme power over my decisions because staying at reed is so important to me.

The only good part is my parents were incredibly cool about it when I told them. They didn't get upset or mad *at all*. I thought at least they'd be disappointed, but they were really understanding and didn't get irrational or start crying. They barely even seemed shocked. They sympathized with me about how annoying the therapists were. My mom has to call to verify that I told them, and I warned her that Tami will probably try to scare her by exaggerating how bad my problem is, but my mom said she wouldn't listen. She�s so awesome.

So I�m going to go home for a few weeks. I might even leave tomorrow. Even though I really wish this wouldn't have happened, at least I�ll be able to get clean and relax with my parents. I never get to spend enough time with them. I really like them. And I�ll still get back in time for the things I planned this summer, and I won�t have to leave Donna alone for too long. They tried to fuck up my life, but I�m not going to let them.

It was such a nightmare having to deal with those therapist robots spewing psychobabble at me. I deflected all their stupidity and negative energy by reminding myself that I�m not a victim, I�m not fucked up, I�m not incapable of managing my own life. I�m a perfectly sane, healthy person who happens to be a little addicted to heroin. It�s kind of embarrassing, because my problem is so minor compared with most addicts-- this is such an overreaction. They just had to �intervene� so they could pat themselves on the back all day and feel warm and fuzzy because they saved me from being a crackwhore under the burnside bridge.

After that meeting, I was so upset and shaken that I called Donna for a ride. She�s been hanging out with Sam, who�s a cab driver, so they picked my up in the cab and drove me home. Sam couldn�t believe how stupid I was to tell people about my heroin use. He said, �You broke the cardinal rule: never tell anyone!� I was really stupid to trust them. I can't believe I did that. never again.

I�m ready to quit, I think it's a good time. My veins are *fucked*. I haven�t been treating them very nicely. Actually, I�m really high right now because I was so freaked out about calling my parents that I did a lot a few hours before I was going to call. It definitely helped..