weekend: to the coast with c. and donna. i was sick in the car, trees overhead. i've only been to the coast one other time. this time we sat on a cliff and had a picnic.
sunday. RED SELF.
you create what you deny. you hate what you envy.
I AM AN EYE OF THE UNIVERSE
the universe becomes conscious of itself. its eye is a person.
a person is just an eye of the whole.
a person is a sensory organ for self-perception of the whole
the whole becomes self-conscious. everything becomes aware of itself.
a person is a part looking at the whole from inside the whole
eye : person :: person : universe
event : context :: part : whole
the ONE THING
driving to downtown on sunday, in the car with the windows open, i suddenly feel alive. i want to tell c. "always be glad for the moment. it's the best thing." we park and walk over by the river. i was just thinking that i never go to saturday market anymore. and here i am, so surprised, in broad daylight. usually we come when it's deserted, but now it's 4:00, people are playing guitar and kids are eating hot dogs. we look around. i meet eyes with anyone who seems likely, waiting for recognition. finally he walks up, "you wantta good stuff, we gotta go to sears. you gotta car?" we drive off with two guys who are discussing selling forged bus passes. we wait in the parking lot for the mexican guy to come back. the white kid says to c., "no offense, but you don't look like your average guy out buying ***." he tells us about an old mexican man with a cane who comes out by the bridge at night with a suitcase full of morphine and methadone, $3 a pill. it sounds like something out of a william burroughs book. the mexican guy comes back, says, "you guys be careful with this." but it's just talk. it's no stronger than usual.