pleasure is the infinite experiement. freud says: "we owe to [drugs] not merely the immediate yield of pleasure, but also a greatly desired degree of independence from the external world." interesting... i have always associated drugs with a certain control of my consciousness and perception, but not necessarily *independence* from the world. they give me the power to "make it mine." the moment, the room, the feeling. i have a secret that no one can take from me. i am watching the world from my own place and i'm not coming back...

good news: donna might get a job! she has an interview tomorrow!!!! i don't want to get my hopes up too much, but it sounds like they might hire her. if they did, i would be SO RELIEVED. earlier today i was so worried about money i started crying... it wouldn't be so bad except i'm completely powerless, because i'm in school and i don't have time to get a job. i've managed to make some money on the side, but it doesn't amount to much. i have enough money to support myself, barely, and it's not enough for two people.

once again, we were saved by todi-- he's sending me $150. (we still haven't paid donna's march rent. it's going to be pretty late.) he's also giving me an all expense paid trip to vancouver to visit him! i'm going sometime next week when i'm on spring break. i can only go for a few days because i have to study for the qual, but i love vancouver so much, it'll be worth it. i want to go on the new skytrain and walk around in that big forest.