we've been having a nice holiday with my parents here. they like the apartment a lot and were impressed by its cleanliness... we went shopping at target and they bought me a bunch of things i "need" (although i lived without them for the first 2 years i lived in this apt.) such as a space heater, vacuum, and some nice shiny pans (they look so out of place next to the dingy free-pile pans in the cabinet). d and i scored some klonopin so we've been in a nice mood for all of this. let's buy hello kitty silverware!

last night my eye became injured again, not as bad as the other times, and i'm not sure what caused it this time... my mom gets wicked migraines, so she has this nasal-spray narcotic to use for emergencies. she let me use it because my eye hurt so much. i didn't used to like opiates but after that one time i have a very strong emotional attatchment to them. they make me happy. it was incredibly strong, i couldn't stop nodding out in the kitchen, and having these bizarre dreams while being half-awake. i was talking to the people in the dreams but saying the things outloud, it was funny. so then i went to sleep and had the most intense dreams i've ever had. i thought i was awake all night because i thought all the dreams were real.

this morning i was still a little unsteady from the wonderful nasal spray. we opened presents and there was christmas cheer all around. i think donna liked the skyscraper book i told my parents to buy her, and they liked the books i got them... "no logo" and a book by thesmokinggun.com. after the drugs completely wore off, my eye hurt again so my mom convinced me to go to urgent care. after i sat in a room for an hour staring at the wall (i was a little klonopined out), they told me i had two scratches on my eye. they gave me vicodin and a perscription for more. it makes me sleepy but since it's an opiate it is my friend. nothing can replace the real thing though.

simultaneously sedated and a little wired from some plaid pantry cappucino, we continued to our primary christmas destination-- the st. john's bridge!!!! first we parked on the west side, and my dad found a path that went up the hill into the forest, so we had a great view of the bridge and the river. donna and i explored further and found an abandoned campsite, with clothes, magazines, bottles, and a tent. it was kind of creepy.

then we climbed down the hill onto the street, and walked across part of the bridge. i took a lot of pictures. my mom wanted to play "pooh sticks" (if you read the winnie-the-pooh books you'll understand). so my dad found some piece of wood and we threw it off on one side of the bridge, ran across the road, and watched it reappear. just then this big green boat came along and we watched as it slowly drove toward our stick, with almost malicious intent. there was a head on collision with the stick and the exact end of the ship's bow. it was beautiful. after the ship went by we spotted our stick, still floating around in the water.

then we drove across the bridge and walked around in cathedral park, underneath the bridge. we walked out on the dock and looked at the ducks. when we got cold we went back to the car and drove along the willamette blvd, to the broadway bridge, and went to powell's. i took more of my v. trying to replicate the feeling i really want, but ended up nauseous and sleepy. we came home and i fell asleep and had more strange dreams.

trip to powell's got me: "nervous system" by michael taussig, "the arcades project" by walter benjamin, and the unauthorized autobiography of lemony snicket!! also a really nice tree guide so we can solve the mystery of the tree outside the kitchen window.