some people around here, neighbors and such, are having a "party" tonight. I think that means they're buying a lot of alcohol and/or drugs. I have a hard time turning things down when they're free and given to me, and i don't know if i feel like resisting. I've been reading about architecture for 3 days. I could start writing right now, but i'm tired. I am not a machine for living. or a machine for writing.

School is technically over, I don't have class until february. I just have to write 30 pages between now and saturday. But it's kind of like vacation, I get to stay here all day in my pajamas reading while donna buys me snacks from the grocery store.

now we're sitting around talking and it's pulling on me. (i always used to ask people 'but what does that feel like, in your body?') pulling. the one thing i can't do. i can do the others but i don't like them as much. now she's suggesting things to me. tempt not a desperate girl with a lot of homework.

bye bye

p.s. to little jimmy. please identify yourself so i can ask you, why would i regret it? that's what i'm afraid of. and i agree that i want to learn about lots of things, the infinite variety of human experience....