i was going to register online for my classes next semester and got sidetracked by my fantasies about being an anthropology major... i even made up a new schedule, though i did not go so far as to actually register for it. i'm going to go talk to the anthro department chair so he can tell me how impossible it is and i will stop thinking about it, i hope. since it's already my 3rd year i would have to take an extra semester in order to take all the required classes, unless they let me break the rules or take classes over the summer somewhere else. i don't know, i think i'm crazy. i could never convince my parents to pay for another semester and i definitely couldn't come up with the money on my own. sigh. art is great and everything, but i've been doing it for so long and it always seems like kind of a self-centered activity...
i was looking on the internet for careers in anthropology, or jobs you can get after you major in it... it didn't look extremely promising, but then neither does a studio art career. your only hope for either is to land a nice teaching job, or become a genius and get people to pay you for your genius work. i wonder which major would be more futile in my quest for money, success, stability, and a house in the suburbs (the things my parents think i will get from going to college.) i wonder which major would be more personally fulfilling for me, definitely anthro.
i sit in art history as we talk about different art critics' theories about some post-modern work of art and think "what is the point of this when no one but a few extremely well-read students and critics will ever understand this concept?" (even though it is pretty fascinating) and i sit in anthro and think "this is fucking amazing. you just changed the way i think about life." hearts!
last night in the darkroom i was making photograms by putting part of a leaf in the negative tray, so the light shines through the leaf and onto the photo paper. the leaf is enlarged really big and when you develop the picture you get a huge illuminated view of all the little veins of the leaf, it's beautiful. i did gingko, pine, and rhododendron. i also did lots of regular photograms of plants and things. i took the big stack of 8 x 10s home and showed them to donna. leo and casey and some other people were there, it was fun.
these two guys sitting at computers across from me keep looking at me and looking at each other. was i doing something weird? why are they staring? it makes me nervous. is there something i don't know?
i'm reading wuthering heights for my humanities class, it's really really good. it's so strange how the characters in the book live out in the country and never ever leave their land or see anyone besides their fucked up family and the servants. i wonder what it would feel like to know nothing about the world and to have so much unmapped in the mind, it would be so mysterious... kind of like how i feel about the suburbs of portland because i never go there and i can't because i don't have a car. there could be anything there and i'd have no idea.. the world kind of ends at the west hills and over by 82nd st. a while ago i went to beaverton for the first time and it was really strange to cross the west hills and see what's over there, and see the hills from the other side. it shattered my sense of locational identity...