i am a little drunk... drinking champagne out of a teacup alone. possibly the beginining of a good country song. the champagne and pear cider that rob bought before the end... so long ago. i even scored a ride to yoga class. (car rides? when was the last time i was in a car??) but we would have taken m. over him any day. it's like sticking your head into the next level while the rest of your body dangles underneath. i just didn't belong there. but i watched while i still could. he'll turn on you in an instant. i miss m. they're coming back soon...
i have never been so truthfully afraid in my whole life. i'm just that person who was always there but never said anything. no, i don't think she was part of it.
i rode my bike to hawthorne powell's like the old days when there was nothing to do. reading magazines by myself. magazines are my thread to the outside world. at fred meyer i stocked up on granola and oatmeal and pondered the prices of toilet paper. how can you be sure you're getting the best deal????? won't someone please help me?
"i really like your paintings. no, i really like them. you're really talented, that's a huge turn on, you know. a huge turn on. would you sell one of them to me? no, i'm serious." he thought i was hot, he told eva. so funny. no you can't buy them, silly. why don't you go hit on one of your strippers? i don't even know where to begin... i just want to see m. and ryan and the familiar people again. strange sudden affection for people i took for granted. love...