"gravity. generally what we expect of others depends on the effect of gravity upon ourselves; what we receive from them depends on the effect of gravity upon them. sometimes (by chance) the two coincide, often they do not."

things i love: books. trees. streets. jackets. eyes. bridges.

"and one shrunk to being oneself, a wedge-shaped core of darkness, something invisible to others. when life sank down for a moment, the range of experience seemed limitless. and to everybody there was this sense of unlimited resources. our apparitions, the things you know us by, are simply childish. beneath it is all dark, it is all spreading, it is unfathomably deep; but now and again we rise to the surface and that is what you see us by."

i cried. my hood pulled up and i feel warm. i am a recluse.

"he was bearing down upon them. now he stopped dead and stood looking in silence at the sea. now he had turned away again."

i can't seem to do anything in the middle. only extremes. as soon as i start i fall over the edge. where is the boundery between contract and expand.

"are you depressed or euphoric? the house, in its wisdom, seems to have taken advantage of your moments of euphoria to prepare itself to shelter you in your moments of depression."

things i love: design. art. shapes. patterns. lines. contrast. clean. the nakedness of a space.

"the city gives one the feeling of being at home.
we must take the feeling of being at home into exile.
we must be rooted in the absence of a place."

substitution. what feels as good as what i can't have? find and consume. there are many things i lack.

"all sins are attempts to fill voids."

i thought it would make them like me. but they are too hard. i am not hard at all. but not soft. just naive. like water.

"it is easier to tell a story of how people wound one another than of what binds them together."

i fell for everything. i believed everything. it's the least i can do. it's better than numb.

love, becky