oh, i say too much.

money: some people are rich but act poor, some people are poor but act rich. like my parents. they are fairly well off but live stingily, if that's a word. i never get the sense of freedom or luxury one might expect of semi-rich people. then there's donna, or especially dave. dave was usually broke. he'd spend his only food money on highlighting his hair at salon in vogue, or designer clothes, cologne, fancy bath products, taking people out to eat and tipping extravagantly. ever since i've known donna she's usually had less money than me but lived much "richer." i learned from her. as i've gotten poorer over the years i've tried to be more like her. endlessly generous. spending her last dollar on someone else or on a nice dinner out. then the money is gone. that's when you live off the tea and ramen in the cupboard.

i always think about this when i'm with my parents, who have so much more than me but somehow i feel richer. maybe it's about having/doing a few wonderful things rather than a whole lot of random things you don't care much about.

today i played dutiful daughter and we went over to my parents' friend's house for tea and cookies. i have to answer everyone's questions about my life. except for all the stuff i don't tell, lurking under the surface. then we went to a bookstore and out to eat at the good earth. i like dressing up. i pretend that we're all really classy. walking like a tightrope walker putting one foot after another, wearing black cherries for rings.