the day we drove back to salt lake city from the desert, our first stop in the city was the park to buy dope. c. walked towards the middle of the park where everyone hangs out, while i put my shoes on. some guy walked past the car, but i thought nothing of it. then i walked across the street to buy something to eat. when i came out of the store with my muffin, the guy was waiting. he was white, mid 30s, clean cut.

he said, "was that your boyfriend going into the park? in the red sweatshirt?"
"yeah.."
"i know what he's looking for. you give this to him and tell him i can get him better stuff." he handed me a post-it note that said "mike" with a phone number. my eyes lit up.
"really?"
"yeah, i have some over in a parking garage. it's much better and i won't rip you off like those guys will."
"well, why don't you go tell him yourself?"
"i don't like going in that park." (i didn't blame him for that one.)
"ok, i'll go tell him... you have h.?"
"yeah."

and i hurried across the grass to where c. was talking to a scruffy white guy in a horizontal striped shirt who looked exactly like henry miller. i handed c. the note and said, "this guy told me he can get us better stuff. you should call him." henry miller looked doubtful and said, "just wait, i'll find you some. you wait right here with her." he gestured at a nearby girl and sprinted out across the park to find the dope.

we sat down in the grass with the girl, who looked like a street kid/ raver, with huge pants, dyed hair, and a backpack. she was really friendly. "so, where are you guys from? you do a lot of dope? yeah, i started three years ago, on oxycontin. that really sucked. oxy is SO much harder to quit then heroin, let me tell you. so then i started doing chiva..." i looked at her arms and saw the telltale red marks on the inside of her elbows. the term is track marks, but i like to call them bite marks. i got bitten and it infected my brain. anyway, we discussed "mike" and his supposedly great hook-up, and she assured us that he was an undercover cop looking to bust our asses. thank god people more sensible than me exist in parks. i was all ready to call him and head over to his parking garage.

then henry miller ran back, out of breath, and he and c. exchanged dope for money in plain view. the girl wanted a ride somewhere but our car was too full, so we said goodbye and headed off to buy needles, at which point c. almost died and i had to slap him and yell at him for about an hour, but i already wrote about that.

so there's my story, now here are pictures. the first one is my brother and me when i was 13 and he was 8, in santa fe, new mexico.

yes, that's one gun in his hand and one gun in the holster. cowboys RULE!
i am the same height and weigh exactly the same as i did then. 7 months later my boyfriend gave me LSD for my 14th birthday, and i loved it...

this one is me on a footbridge over the clackamas river in oregon, a few days ago. my dad, looking at it, said, "you stopped smiling for pictures when you were about 10. you know, you don't have to look so... i don't know... serious. like you aren't going to let anything out." ha. ha ha ha. no, i'm not going to let anything out.