soon all the joy that pours from everything makes fountains of your eyes... there's this boy in one of my classes who reminds me of gabe. they look similar, but what really creeps me out is that they have exactly the same mannerisms: a hint of a smile, a distracted motion of the hand, a childlike glimmer in the eye, combined with an unaffected vacancy... boys who remind me of gabe are hard to resist, and it entertains me to have little crushes on boys i'll never talk to. something to think about while i'm sitting in class. i've been playing this game with him-- i stare at him, and if he meets my eyes more than once, i decide he has a crush on me back. it makes no sense, because almost everyone meets my eyes a few times during class; people tend to look around at everyone, so it's pretty meaningless if he does look at me. today my tea was making me more agitated than usual, and every time he glanced at me i had a little paroxysm of joy. i could have been imagining it, but i swear he blushed once after he looked at me. i'm so silly...

i found a tree today that is my tree. it's me, but i can't explain why. it's next to the sidewalk i walk on after i get off the bus at school. i've spent this winter fixating on the shapes branches make against the sky. each kind of tree makes a different pattern. i try to figure out why some are prettier to me than others. anyway, i found one that's me. it's small, kind of crooked, twiggy, knobby, awkward, but it looks pretty tough, and solid, it looks like it's pretty happy standing there in the grass. i think it's some kind of fruit tree. i'll have to wait until it gets leaves. (once sam told me, "you're a tough nut to crack!")

i finished my nietzsche paper on tuesday. i like it. the last line is, "There is no goal; there is only a bridge--the ceaseless action that carries one from a hope to a great promise."