i'm telling the story backwards, because after i wrote that acid entry, we didn't leave right away. charlie wanted to wait until morning to get his snow tires. before the whole sf plan, i had randomly emailed abadger, saying that we didn't know what to do and that he should come over. soon after charlie came over, abadger arrived. we'd never met him before and he turned out to be extremely wonderful. he brought us a book that he'd photocopied and put in a binder. at the time i was tripping too hard to read very well, but it looked interesting.

the four of us sat around the kitchen for a long time talking. charlie and abadger provided intelligent stimuli for me to think about in my acid mind. they were both full of stories that made my brain turn inside out (especially since donna and i recently found out that the universe is a hologram). donna told abadger some stories about our sordid past, and he told us stories about his. he had a remarkable ability to describe things with such detail that it felt like he was seeing the thing at that very moment.

after he left, we started examining the book he'd left. if you've ever tried to read on acid, it makes things ten times more fascinating and mysterious, and we read aloud to each other from "real events for the imagination". all night i'd been replaying my arvo part cd, and the feeling of the music and the words was magical. after we did some nitrous oxide and i experienced a time warp, we went to sleep around 4 am.

(here is abadger's account of our evening. the part about us starts somewhere in the middle, the things he said about me and donna made us happy.)

the next day, i went shopping with c. to get things for the trip, and i bought him a christmas present-- a knife in the water cd he really wanted. after we got back the day turned scary. i almost died of an od, i guess. luckily c. was there, or i would have died. he said my lips turned blue and he knew right away, since he's seen it before. that's where my memory ends--i only found out the rest last night. apparently he made me go outside and walk around the backyard with him, so the cold air would keep me awake. he made me breathe and walk up the steps and wouldn't let me sit down even though it sounds like i was being a jerk, telling him it was his fault (it was completely my fault).

my memory starts to come back after we came inside. he still made me stay standing so i couldn't sleep, and we made tea to wake me up. i couldn't stand up on my own or keep my eyes open but eventually i started to recover enough to start talking nonsense. apparently when c. was telling donna what happened, i said, "what if i had taken that much and ridden someone else's bike?" after a while c. thought i was going to be ok so we got charlie and started driving to san francisco. i took a lot of adderol to help me wake up, way more than i ever take, and i was still nodding off in the car. another funny thing i said to donna was "more people should know us." yes, it's true.

so after i almost died, and we left, one of scott's friends, l., fell off the roof and almost died. he wasn't on drugs or anything, he just slipped and fell one story onto his face. scott jumped down the fire escape and found he wasn't breathing, and pulled his tongue out of his throat and he started breathing again. c. called 911 and ambulances came. there was blood everywhere because he severed an artery in his nose, and his head was swelling (the doctors said his brain hit the other side of his head from the impact so there were bruises on both sides). he also punctured a lung. he was in surgery all day and yesterday he opened his eyes for a second and he's almost able to breathe on his own. they're going to be able to reconstruct his face, but they don't know if he has brain damage or not. it's really strange that two people almost died in this house on the same day, and c. helped save both of their lives.

so that's my story, now i'm back and i have vacation for one month and i feel rather at loose ends. maybe i'll take a walk. love, becky